Afraid to Let Go

    The other day I went through the shows that I had recorded through the TV. I had three House Hunters International recordings and all three were based in Australia. Big surprise, ay? The first two were good, just families moving around, but the third one tugged at my "worry thoughts" the most. This one was about a lady moving from somewhere in the US (New York I think?) to live with her husband over in Queensland. The story line, of course, was cute but then they showed her saying goodbye to her parents. From that moment on I've had a pit in my stomach. I pictured myself having to say goodbye to my own mother and how much I'd miss having her friendship by my side day in and day out like I do now. Usually at this age, people are leaving their parents' home to find there own apartment in the area, or to go off to college, but always with the knowledge that they are a short drive or flight away. As you've probably gathered, my circumstances will be much different from these. The fastest time to reach home again is twenty two hours, minimum! I've been writing all about how fabulous it will be to gain independence again and to live out on my own but I've been neglecting to say how much of a Mamma's girl I am! As the days go by I'm getting more internally emotional about the move and know that soon it will be pouring out of me for everyone else to see too. This picture poster sums it up pretty well...

I want so badly to get out and explore but at the same time I'm kind of terrified of leaving the comforts of home behind. When this quote says "someone who's brave enough to take care of us every once and awhile," I picture my mom. I keep playing tug-of-war in my mind with the two thoughts, get out and roam the earth or stay and feel safe in the familiar. There's another quote I really like that goes, "The lust for comfort murders the passions of the soul." At first this may seem like a strange quote but if you break it down it means exactly what I just said. In layman's terms: stay for comfort and my dreams will die.

[Pardon the "offensive" language] I've saved a bunch of these random picture quote/phrases to my picture files over the last few years just because they seemed to appeal to me, but now more than ever I really take them to heart.  Quotes are like words of wisdom from strangers. Beautiful words that sometimes put life into more simple terms. 

     Recently I've been having a major internal struggle about friends from high school. I feel as though I've been left in the dust since introducing everyone to Jamie at Christmas two years ago. My male friends didn't make a single effort to stand up, shake his hand, say hello or introduce themselves. Our presents was hardly acknowledged the entire time. That was the first blow. From then on out it seems I'm being ostracized for my happiness. I know this seems like a bit of a stretch, even writing it makes me feel like I'm being irrational but what other reason would it be? Last summer I hung out with all of them a few times every week and now they're making plans with out me and posting it all over the internet. The point of writing this paragraph was not to say "whoa is me." The point is the debate I have going on in my head. Do I push past my pride and invite them all for a day at the beach even though I feel abandoned by them, or do I say screw it, I'm leaving in two months and will make new friends? The obvious choice is to just push past the pain and make plans of my own to include everybody. This way I don't leave with burnt and bitter bridges, but that's going to be really tough. It took a lot of strength just to ask one of the girls in that group if I could stop by her house to say "hi" because I was in the area. Friendships are supposed to be effortless! Today I spent the afternoon with an old co-worker who has been my best friend since I had a job with her back in 2008. We spent the day laughing and it reminded me of how good friendships are supposed to be. Which pulls me back to saying forget to the group of people who don't feel the need to hang out with me anyway! Such turmoil in my head and heart. Again, I'm sorry for this petty drama I threw in but it's the closest thing I have to venting and sorting my thoughts at 12:53 am. 

     

Standing my Ground.

     For quite a few months now I have been doing extensive research on several different things in order to prepare for the big move. Honestly, I think all of the energy behind the research was fueled by my amazing procrastination skills during the school semester. Now that school is out and the assignments have ended I can't think of one darn thing to research. So what have I been doing to prepare? Going on Google Earth and perusing the local places around the neighborhood of course! Well, that and looking at places to rent even though we won't be renting a place any time in the near future. It's quite pathetic actually. But this sad waste of time did actually help me find something very important. Let me start by backing up a few days. This last weekend I visited my middle sister, Kim, in Boulder, CO (the most incredible and much needed weekend I've had in a long time! Thanks Kim ;)). I had a good conversation with her boyfriend about the jobs that I could or should get while I'm there. He suggested that I look into getting a job that revolves around the profession I'm aiming toward, which is Respiratory Therapy. So going back to my Google Earth search, I found two medical centers within a mile from the house I'll be staying in! I'm so excited about this because in my mind it's a way of becoming more educated while I'm not in school. If I get the job (probably just filing or doing other grunge work), I'll at least be in the environment that I'm working toward in the future. I may not be getting school credits or working toward a degree during this time period but I'll at least be gaining the experience and the addition to my resume. Such a wonderful epiphany!

        Recently another conversation came up revolving my Australian adventure. I was faced with questions like: how do you really know this guy, have you thought about x, y, and, z, what if this or that were to come up, what if down the road...and so on. I know in my heart that they were looking out for my best interest with all these questions but I found it interesting how talking to different people makes me feel different things. A few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to have a fabulous conversation with my incredibly wise and insightful aunt about the exact same things. I felt so empowered and confident about my relationship with Jamie afterward, almost as if I fell in love with him all over again just by talking about "us." After this particular conversation in Colorado I was left feeling uneasy about the decision: second-guessing once more. All of the points made were very valid, but something about this was different. Maybe it's the way the questions are phrased or the way they had only know the situation through second-hand information except for this one conversation, making me feel as though my answers were more highly critiqued or judged. Or my favorite reason: they think they know what's best for me.  People question things that are different and go their entire lives thinking that other people who "go against the grain" are wrong; but why is it that people are so quick to conclude that different is bad? And I''m not just talking about this one instance. I realized that people push how they would feel in my situation or in my relationship; but here's another epiphany, this isn't their life! I'm doing what is best for me, not them. Period. Don't get me wrong, I, myself have "what if" questions running through my mind but I'm sure as hell not going to let them rule my life. I could play that game with every tiny decision I make: what if I roll out of bed on the left side instead of the right? I won't know until I try! And I firmly believe it is worth the risk. I'm learning (slowly) that setbacks in life (while they may be so infuriating) are really not walls that I can't climb over but merely curves in the road. With this new (and still kind of shaky) attitude, nothing that I face during my trip can hold me back from achieving my goals. This isn't to say that there's nothing to be cautious of, but I am a pretty darn intelligent young woman and I like to think that I am more than capable of thinking each situation and circumstance that may or may not come up all the way through. That's all the credit I ask for. If you believe in my intelligence then you should believe in my ability to make my own independent choices.

     On another note, I still haven't committed to a health insurance company 100% yet. The last time I was about to join up something made me stop to reconsider, and not gonna lie, that was so long ago that I don't even remember what it was. So I should probably get on that ay?

    A few weekends ago I went to my Opa and Oma's house again for my Oma's birthday. I was able to take the day off work and my aunt and her good friend from Reno were also able to join in on the festivities. We had such a fabulous day driving through the several wineries in Temecula. After finally finding the perfect one, we found ourselves a table, ordered a huge pitcher of sangria, and basked in each others' company till the sangria wore off. When we got back to the house, they showed me two more pieces of luggage that they had picked up for me. One is a normal, good sized suitcase, and the second is a huge duffle-bag like thing with wheels and a pullout handle. And when I say huge, I mean HUGE. It's absolutely perfect for my massive load of possessions so I'm anxious to pile everything in! Is is still too soon to pack?? 

     

The Countdown Continues

     It's Summer! Today is May 25, 2012. Or in my eyes almost June, meaning almost July, meaning almost August! How long exactly you ask? I'll add a link that says the exact time and date that Jamie and I will be taking off on those silver wings.

Time and Date Countdown  (<-- click)

 (If this doesn't open for you, it says 83 days, 10 hours, 55 minutes, 27, 26, 25...seconds, and so on)
     I have so many emotions running through my head that its hard to explain even one of them. If someone asks if I'm excited, the nervousness takes over, but if they ask if I'm scared, the excitement sets in. All I can do is trust that I made the right decision when I thought things through in my more sane days, not so much right now when I'm in panic mode. In the last few months throughout this process I've learned how important it is to "trust your first instinct and don't second guess yourself." Every time I made a big decision I would feel confident in it...only until someone brought up if I were reallllly sure that I thought x, y, and z through all the way. After crumbling to the questions and rethinking everything, I would always be led right back to my first conclusion, this is the best option. I've put all my brain power into thinking through the outcomes of everything I'll be faced with and everything I'll be leaving behind (for the time being). The decision to move to Perth for a year had the least amount of negatives and the highest amount of positives. In Perth, I could have my cake, and maybe eat a finger full of frosting too; while the other choices gave me a smaller piece of cake with no frosting. I think you'd take the bigger piece with frosting too!
     A conversation about feeling the need to explain myself and my decisions came up recently with my sister and the advice she gave me made me feel so much more at ease. The opinions of my family mean more to me than they realize. I know they support me because they know I wouldn't let a day go by without thinking things through 100 times, but to really have their encouragement means the world to me. I think I go into explanation mode as my own kind of encouragement too. As stated in the entire paragraph above, I'm very happy with my decision, but being happy with the choice I've made doesn't quite decrease its magnitude. I have to keep reminding myself that all will be okay. And just because its the most difficult, doesn't mean its not the best one for me (see, explanation mode again). Day by day the magnitude increases. It's like looking at the mountains from Orange County and thinking, "they look like little hills!" but as you get closer you start to ask yourself if you're really strong enough to make the climb. I don't know if I'm strong enough to run up the mountain without stopping a couple 100 times along the way, but I know that the incentives waiting for me at the top are enough to keep me going. Not only do I have Jamie waiting with open arms, but I have also breached the gateway to traveling and exploring the world. Two dreams wrapped up into one! For quite some time now I feel like I've been living in a little bird cage that we call Orange County. I had my chance at freedom when I went to San Francisco for a year but flew right back into the cage when plans changed. I feel like this opportunity has opened the door for me once again and it's my time to take it and fly. I'm going to end with this because I feel like I've given way to many metaphors for one day. Have a fabulous weekend, everyone!

 Jamie just sent this picture to me today and I think it captures the scenario perfectly :)

Tough Choices

     Last weekend, for Mother's Day, I went to my grandparents house in Temecula. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family that gives me unconditional encouragement and support. The suitcase that they found for me is absolutely perfect! It's larger than I expected and in pristine condition. Bonus! After discussing the inventory of items I want to bring to Perth with my eldest sister, Katie, and my Oma, I realized that the little things like books aren't really necessary objects. We decided that they were items of comfort and not objects that I couldn't live without. Books can be found anywhere, and lucky for me Jamie's sister, Karis, loves to read so I'm sure I might be able to borrow a book or two if the need is really there. Clothes, shoes, and toiletries are the only essentials I'll be bringing with me to the Southern hemisphere...and maybe a few picture frames...and electronics...and the big stuffed animal elephant my dad gave me for Christmas? Oh dear, here we go again.
    Something a bit easier to pack I'll definitely need to bring is a confirmation printout from the health insurance company. After the swap meet a few weeks ago, my dad and I sat down and looked through dozens of websites to find the lowest rates with the highest amount of coverage for Australian visitors. We decided that a company called "Bupa" ( I know it sounds funny to me too) had what I was looking for. The insurance package I chose costs $26.44 per "fortnight," or per every two weeks. It covers pretty much every hospital stay need I'll need (or hopefully not need), and also covers extras like doctor visits, general dental, optical, pharmacy, and well living, plus much more. What is well living you ask? That includes gym memberships, yoga, pilates, swimming lessons, first aid courses, etc! Crazy, right?! The one thing that I am a bit concerned about is the fact that excess co-pays are not covered. To be honest, I don't know very much at all when it comes to medical details and what-not but I know that a co-pay is the amount you have to pay before the insurance takes over...right? So that means I could pay $300 for one doctor visit? Or more!? Everyone cross your fingers that I don't get sick or have an accident that involves the hospital because this stuff goes right over my head!
     To add to the rest of this madness, I was recently told that the English class I had taken last year, does not meet the requirements for graduation and GE certification. What does this mean? It means I can't get the degree that I've been working very diligently to attain because I need to take a class that does meet the requirement. The options: Take the class during summer and have less time to spend with my friends and family before leaving, or I could wait until the Fall 2012 semester and take it as an online class while in Perth. The latter being my first choice. As silly as it sounds, this trip is about gaining confidence in my independence. I hope to someday sooner than later to gain residency in Australia so that I can attend a university and get my bachelors degree. Yes, I went to SFSU last year so I know how it is to not have my mommy holding my hand the whole way through, but that was only one year. This is life I'm talking about. I want to prove to myself more than anyone that I am able to do this. I digress; the reason I want to do the online class while in Perth is to have a small intro to how well I handle myself in a life where I am both a full-time student (or part-time for the time being), and simultaneously as a wide-eyed tourist where the new continent is my playground! Make sense? I feel like I'm trying to hard to make my point and convince you all that I really do have some method to this madness, so I'm going to end with my favorite quote as a reminder to myself: "Without a struggle, there can be no progress."

Mile-high Shipping Costs

After having a lovely breakfast together, my dad and I went to the local swap meet to find things we don't really need. Well, that's only half true. I'm looking for another large suitcase. Nothing special, it can be used, dirty, whatever. I just need something with a zipper to get my immense supply of clothing to Perth. Fortunately I have my grandparents keeping their eyes open for me. We were able to find a small one but still keeping our fingers crossed for the really big ones! While perusing the aisles, I was a bit hesitant of buying a suitcase without having stopped by FedEx or UPS yet, but I didn't need to worry too much because in the end we didn't find anything anyway. On our way home I figured that was as good a time as any to get those international shipping quotes. First stop: UPS. Take a guess...just throw out a number...any number. You'll probably need to double it. They quoted me four hundred some-odd dollars to send a 16x16x16 box of approximately 30 pounds (which is probably on the low end of what it would actually weight)!! So with this number in mind we headed over to FedEx. I can't even say that it got better. With the same amount of weight, in a slightly bigger box, I was quoted five hundred thirty nine dollars!! I mean I get that they're taking a box half way around the world but, sheesh! So here's my last option, pay seventy dollars to take an extra bag with me on Air New Zealand. And I gotta tell ya, seventy dollars is actually looking pretty good right now! I think sometime soon I'm going to do a "practice" pack to see how much stuff I really have. I think I'm most worried about the random stuff I'd like to take with me like books, and shoes! I almost forgot about my shoes! They weigh a ton all together! Oh here come the worries, although I'm not really sure why. I do have about three large suitcases with Jamie's and mine combined so I'll probably have enough space. Hopefully! Maybe..? On another note, I said in my last post that I was going to figure out all the financial details next. The problem is, I'm having a hard time figuring out exactly what I'm looking for! Jamie told me I should get a traveler's check to bring over but I'm not really sure what that is or how it works so there's a bit more of research I'll have update you on later. But for now, Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

I can drive!

My most recent step toward 100% preparedness for moving was getting an International Driving Permit.  For those of you wanting to know how to get an IDP, you can get them through AAA. All you need is a current drivers license, a 15 dollar check, two passport sized photos (2" by 2") that are super cheap at Costco, and an application form that you can print right off their website. Lucky for me, I was the only one in line for that station so I was helped almost immediately and took about 5 minutes for completion. And viola! I am now able to drive in a ton of different countries!

When I met with my dad just after this errand, he asked me if I had gotten car insurance yet. My first thought..."Craaaaaap." I hadn't even thought about that! Later I asked Jamie about their car insurance policies and fortunately they insure by the vehicle not the driver, so I will be added onto his (if I understood correctly of course). And never mind the fact that his car is manual and I've only ever driven automatic! That too shall come in time! Next on the "to-do" list is finding out how to transfer my savings and checking accounts; all things having to do with money, including credit cards. In addition to that I've been meaning to stop by UPS and FedEx to compare their international shipping rates so that I can send any belongings that don't quite fit into the luggage that Jamie and I are hauling to Perth. Fingers crossed that I find a good deal (or that I put enough clothes in the give-away pile before August that I won't need extra shipping)!

First of many entries to come...

Hello there, all!
For those of your who do not know me, my name is Courtney. The purpose of this blog is to share my upcoming adventure in Perth, Australia. The first question I had when I heard of Perth is, where the heck is that? Well to enlighten you, it's the main city on the West coast of Australia, the opposite side of Sydney. Another question you may be asking is why some random city no one knows about? Well here goes! On Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010, I was fortunate enough to have the last open seat next to me on a flight to Reno. A young Australian man, by the name of Jamie, happened to be in need of this last seat and so our relationship began: first through Facebook as just friends, then video chatting, and eventually we found ourselves in love and travelling to one another's home countries. Recently I hit a road block in my education, and after much grief, I realized it was a blessing in disguise. I was now faced with the opportunity to visit Perth on a more permanent basis than just a quick tourist trip like I had done last summer. So that's what I'm doing; I'm taking the leap with my year-long Working Holiday visa to test things out and broaden my horizons. I've had the dream of travelling and living outside of the US, or even living outside of California, for as long as I can remember, and I am more than thrilled to make this dream come true!! But don't let the excitement fool you completely. I'm freaking out inside. From driving on the Left side of the road to learning the metric system, I may be in over my head! On top of that, my relationship with Jamie will be going from zero face to face contact, to 24/7 contact within seconds. I'm interested to see how everything pans out but for now I must focus on the details you wouldn't really think of for going on an extended vacation; things such as driving permits, health insurance, communication device, car insurance, shipping rates for items that don't fit in my luggage, etc. I still have quite a bit of research to do but plenty of time to do it. D-day is booked for August 16, 2012 at 10:30 pm. My amazing boyfriend is flying out here so that I won't have to make the long journey away from my homeland alone. I couldn't ask for more :) Up until the true Australian adventure begins, I'll be updating you on the trials and tribulations of planning a move abroad.  Enjoy the rest of your weekends!!

 Perth

Jamie & Me