When making life altering decisions, sometimes we feel as though both options are exactly what you do and don't want. That definitely rings true for everything I'm going through in my life. When I left Jamie it was "everything [I] wanted, and everything [I] don't." I wanted to stay with him because I loved him so deeply, but simultaneously, knew that I needed to find someone who loved me back in the same way. Same goes for moving to Eugene. I wanted to start a new life (again), and be able to put down my roots (again). But Perth was the place where I most felt at home. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to start my life there. I wanted to have a career there, grow old there. Since leaving that beautiful city down under, I grieve everyday for those things and more: the people I met, the way of life, the culture, the feelings Perth gave me, the best friend I lost through the process, everything about it. It's "one door swinging open, one door swinging closed." I don't like knowing that if I had stayed I would have had all these things. I wouldn't be looking for a job, I wouldn't be friendless, I wouldn't be cooped up in the house all the time, I'd be bike riding around the lake during their scorching summer, laying on their magnificent beaches, and going out to pubs with mates. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. It's funny how you leave one thing behind because you convince ypurself that there is something much better waiting for you ahead, yet you're actually more miserable. I know it'll take time but damn I'd really like to know that I ditched an almost perfect life to be in the predicament I am now for a good reason. I'm a big dreamer and I'm afraid my imagination got away with itself this time. Maybe I hoped for much more than what reality could provide me with. I'll never stop dreaming and hoping, but hopefully someday reality will be much better than my dreams."Some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know. I'm holding on and letting go."
Side note: Throughout almost entry I've proved a link to youtube clips so that you can hear the song I'm talking about if you don't already know it. I will always link it to the title of a song or lyrics from that song so that you can separate it from the spam :)
