Try ~ PINK

    

Funny how the heart can be deceiving

More than just a couple times

Why do we fall in love so easy?

Even when it's not right

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns

Doesn't mean you're gonna die

You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try

Gotta get up and try, and try, and try

You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

      Over the last few months I've been trying to pick myself off the ground and dust myself off. Every now and again I'd feel as though I were finally standing upright and steady on my two feet and then my knees would give out on me and I'd have to start all over. I got a job and they told me on my second shift that I needed to look for another job because they didn't have any hours for me...back to the job hunt, which is draining enough. Then I had this cloud hanging over my head, making every day an emotional roller coaster. And that's no exaggeration. A song would trigger a memory. A memory would trigger tears. Tears would trigger guilt for still being so hung up on something that I should be over by now. And the guilt would trigger anger toward the person that was causing the cloud in the first place. I was giving my "ex-" control over my emotions without realizing it, just by staying "friends" and allowing free communication. My best friend and my mother made me realize how toxic his "presence" was in my life and so I gained the strength to tell him goodbye for good. Some people are put in your life as a blessing and others as a lesson. When all is said and done he is a lesson that blessed the last few years of my life. After taking him out of my life I immediately felt the cloud lift. Though I still have certain triggers, I am much more equipped to handled them in this healthier mindset. Every day I see the sun getting brighter and the grass getting greener. Without that dark gray cloud over my head I find it much easier to be positive automatically and not just by force. I can finally say with confidence that I've wiped off all the dust and have picked myself up into a stable stance, maybe even taking a few steps forward.
      This month I got a job at a great brewery in town where all my co-workers are extremely friendly. I've even stayed after two shifts to have a beer with a group of them! I completed my training and am now doing solo shifts...and I'm surviving!
      In addition, school started this week! I'm only taking one math class at the local cc but I'm enjoying every second of it! Going back after a year has made me incredibly eager for knowledge. I'm excited to wake up at 6:30 am for my 8:00 class, and being able to actually understand the concepts being taught is enough to keep me awake and stimulated until class gets out two hours later. Even doing homework feels like a blessing. The last time I took a math class was in high school and I didn't believe that I was smart enough to understand...and so I didn't. Looking back over every experience I've gone through, all the paths I've chosen, I'm very happy about where I am today.
      In other news... I found a letter in the mail from Oregon State University...I got in!! I'm still waiting for a response from Portland State University, but nonetheless; I am ecstatic that I will be attending a four year university next year!! I'm finally back on track!!